Telepathy is overrated.

It's a been a few days since I posted so I will give you the highlights of the barrage of stupidy thrown at me daily.

1. A lady (and I use that term loosely) calls and asks if her Delta Freq flyer numbers were loaded into her record. I see nothing. She gets really angry that they are not in there.
I asked her when she called them in because I did not see them in the record or the ticketing information. Dead silence: She begins to laugh.
I never called them in. (More laughs), you mean you cannot read minds? She realizes what a dope she is and apologizes for being rude and gives me the numbers. That one was nice, usually they just yell anyway.

2. Caller: I need to know how much is costs from the Airport to the hotel?
Me: Which airport and which hotel are we talking about?
Caller: I am calling the hotel, so why do you need to know that?
Me: Ma'am this is headquarters for (insert my company name here) in Florida, We own 11 resorts in the Caribbean.
Caller: Oh well I thought I called the hotel directly.
Me: you cannot call an 800 and get another country (somtimes canada but that does not count) All 800#s route thru the US. Would you rather speak to the resort? The direct number will cost you about $1.80 per minute.
Caller: No, Just tell me the cost from the airport to the hotel
Me: Again, Which airport and which hotel?
Caller: SIGH, she tells me, very nasty. (Like I am causing this issue for her)
Me: the cost is $75.00 total each way for up to 4 people in the car.
Caller: Is that per person?
Me: Again, the cost is $75.00 total each way for up to 4 people in the car.
(I said DOLLARS each time I gave an amount)
Caller: Is that in US Dollars?
Me: Yes, Dollars as stated.
Caller: Do they take US Dollars?
Me: Yes, if it were not in dollars, I would have told you so you were properly prepared.
Caller: so how much is that round trip?
Me: Ummmm, $150.00?
Caller: oh thank you. I'm not good with numbers or foreign currency.
Me: Again, there is no need to foreign currency, they take American dollars for everything.
Caller: (I swear this is exactly what she said) What island am I going to again?
Me: Well you said you were landing in St. Lucia Airport. St. lucia is also the name of the Island.
Caller: Oh it is?
Me: uhhhh, Yup.

You cannot make this stuff up!!
DB

So this is how I started my Monday. I get a call from a guy who is on his way from Los Angeles to Barbados. He left LA last night at 11pm PT. When he got to Miami to make his connection to Barbados, he was asked to present his passport. He did not bring his passport to leave the country. He then called us. I asked him why did not bring his passport as all of his documentation says he needed a valid passport to travel. He answered that figured that it was meant for people traveling to Europe and ignored it as he could not see why he would need one. I reminded him that the same of our company has the words Caribbean Resorts in it. Why would he think we send people to Europe? He laughed. I did not mean it as a joke. He is now stuck in Miami, where it is colder than LA while a friend fed-ex's him his passport. The level of stupidity I encounter on a daily basis never ceases to amaze me. Never. You just cannot make this stuff up.
Happy President's Day. I bet Lincoln and Washington would have been smart enough to remember their passports (had they had them back then)

So it's Friday night and I am stuck in what is known as, The Shopper Fantasy. Every person who wants to fantasize about going to the Caribbean calls to chat about places they can never hope to afford. I just got this one woman on the phone who tells me about all the places she wants to go. She clearly knows nothing about anything because she gets all the names of the Islands and the Resorts wrong. I am barely breathing trying not to laugh.
-I love Belitz = Belize
-I have always wanted to see Santa Lucious = St. Lucia
-How much to you know about the St. John's Club in Anti-gwwwa? = St. James's Club Antigua (U is SILENT)
-What is the best place to trip line= Zip line
-Can my family do that thing where you ride a banana= Banana boat ride
-I have always wanted to Travel to Tortilla in the US Virgin Islands.= Tortola in the British Islands.

This is the start to my weekend. Every week. If it were not so entertaining, I would go mad. You just cannot make this stuff up!
Happy Weekend to all of my precious readers. I thank you for wasting 5 minutes of your day on my crazy life experiences. DB

So I get a lady (and I use that term loosely) on the phone today asking about getting married on our private island. She says she has researched it and it seems perfect for her and her Fiance. She also mentions her son (from a previous marriage) is coming with them as witness. He is 17 years old.
In the course of conversation she mentions that they are very budget conscious. She asks me to price out the entire trip with air, transfers, resort, everything for 3 people in one room. I stop dead in the my tracks. "you mean your son in the same room with you on your honeymoon?"
Yes, she says. We are all very close and he won't mind sharing with us.
ummmmm, ok.
Once I give her the price, she asks me if it is safe for her son to sleep outside on the beach for a night or two if they wanted to kick him out.
Really? You want to take your teenage son with you on your Weddingmoon (as it is sometimes referred to in the industry), and you want to kick him out so he absolutely knows for sure the moment you two want to go at it? I'm disturbed, Highly. I feel dirty.
I would love to tell you that any part of this conversation is even slightly embellished. Sadly,  I cannot.
You just cannot make this stuff up!

Fishy complaint

We got a complaint letter today because a woman was swimming off our beach in Antigua and their were FISH IN THE WATER. Oh NO!, How could this happen? Fish in the ocean? The horror!
Yeah, I deal with crazy people all day. She wanted a refund because of the emotional distress of being scared by the fish.
Like the fish were not scared of you in their natural habitat?
So help me God, you cannot make this stuff up!

Not too much happened today that I could really get a laugh out of, but I will tell you this impending Nor'easter is getting on my nerves. I tell everyone who books with me, get travel insurance if you are traveling in the winter months from the North East, now that there is a storm coming and they did not listen to  me, they think I should give them their money back. Umm. no. You don't listen to the expert, you lose. If I were a doctor and told you that if you didn't take a vitamin C every day, you will end up needing a $10k surgery, you would take the vitamin right? I know stupid analogy, but work with me.
Well, because you didn't want to pay $69 per person to cover yourself, it is my problem that you will lose $8000? No, it's not.
So this is what I am dealing with today. So annoying. People, don't travel if you don't plan to protect yourself. I am not in business to refund stupidity.
Hope everyone in the storms path has an easy time of it. Go get gas in all cars and keep as warm as possible! Until next time.... You can't make this stuff up.

This is a quickie for my first post, it happened today.
Caller: I want to go to the islands
me: Ok, any particular one in mind?
Caller: (I swear this is word for word) Which ones have the least number of black people?
Me: Sir, the West Indies are 90% people of color. There are no islands as you request.
Caller: I didn't say I wanted to go India, I want to go to an Island.
Me: the West Indies are the Caribbean Islands. They have no relation to India.
Caller: so where can I go what will have more whites?
Me: I would cannot help you with your request, sir.
Caller:Well, who can?
Me: I don't know. But we cannot fufill a request of this type. We sell great resorts but none of them have what you are looking for.
Caller: Well you know what I mean about less blacks, don't you?
Me: Why do I sound white?
Caller: of course you do.
Me: well, I'm not....
(dial tone)
That felt great!!!!!!! -Racist asshole!